We’ve all been there—feeling that knot in your stomach after making a mistake, letting someone down, or just not living up to your own expectations. Guilt is a natural part of being human, and while it can help us reflect and grow, it can also weigh us down if we let it stick around too long.
Guilt is an emotion that helps to live into your values or be the person we want to be by signaling to us when we broke an internal "rule." It tells us we've messed up and prompts us to change or make amends where possible. This is a normal part of emotional regulation and is an essential part of maintaining strong interpersonal relationships.
Sometimes our internal "rules" weren't ones we choose but ones written by our families, our culture, or religion. We may even disagree with the rules but still feel the guilt. Guilt can also get out of control and be used to beat yourself up, which doesn't actually help you change.
Guilt becomes unhelpful and unhealthy when it lingers, festers, or becomes disproportionate to the situation at hand. This "unhealthy guilt" can manifest as chronic self-blame, leading to feelings of inadequacy, low self-worth, and even anxiety or depression. For some, the weight of guilt becomes so overwhelming that it prevents them from moving forward, creating a cycle of emotional turmoil.
How Guilt Impacts Mental Health
When guilt overstays its welcome, it can mess with our mental well-being in a big way. Ever found yourself lying awake at night replaying something you said or did over and over again? That’s guilt working overtime, and it can lead to a few major issues:
Anxiety: Guilt can make us feel constantly on edge, worrying that we’re going to mess up again or that others are judging us for our mistakes.
Depression: Feeling like we can’t escape guilt can feed into depression, making us feel hopeless or like we don’t deserve to be happy.
Perfectionism: Guilt is often closely tied to perfectionism. Those with perfectionist tendencies may experience guilt not only for their mistakes but for not meeting impossibly high standards.
Self-punishment: Sometimes, we beat ourselves up over guilt, thinking we "deserve" to feel bad. This kind of thinking can keep us trapped in a cycle of negativity.
Dealing with Overwhelming Guilt
The good news is that you don’t have to stay stuck in guilt forever. There are ways to deal with guilt and, believe it or not, even turn it into something positive. Here’s how:
Recognize What You’re Feeling: The first step is to simply notice when you’re feeling guilty. Ask yourself if the guilt is justified. Sometimes we feel guilty for things that aren’t even in our control, so it helps to check in with yourself and see if the guilt fits the situation.
Get Curious: Get curious about what the guilt is trying to tell you or what the internal rule is. Check to see if you agree with this rule. Where the rule comes from. Notice that most rules don't apply in every circumstance. Is there a gray area? Often life is not back and white.
Take Action (If You Can): If your guilt is tied to something you can fix, like a misunderstanding with a friend or a mistake at work, take action. Apologize, make things right, and move forward. Taking steps to resolve the situation can help ease the guilt.
Be Kind to Yourself: Treat yourself the way you’d treat a close friend who’s feeling down. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s important to remember that one bad moment doesn’t define who you are. Self-compassion is key to letting go of guilt.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Guilt can trick us into thinking we’re awful people because of one mistake. Try to catch those thoughts and ask yourself if they’re really true. Chances are, they’re not.
Reach Out for Support: If guilt is overwhelming, talking to someone you trust can help. Sometimes, just saying it out loud to a friend or therapist can make a huge difference in how you feel.
Learn to Forgive Yourself: This is the big one. Self-forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re ignoring what happened; it means you’re accepting that you’re human and that you can learn from the experience. Holding onto guilt forever doesn’t help anyone—least of all you.
When Guilt Feels Like Too Much
Sometimes, guilt can become so intense that it starts taking over your life. If it’s leading to anxiety, depression, or causing you to engage in harmful behaviors, it might be time to talk to a therapist. I can help you unpack where the guilt is coming from and give you tools to manage it in a healthier way. Reach out today for a free consultation phone call or to schedule a therapy session.
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